Summer Starts

I'm up early and had a pleasant surprise I found in my email inbox. It's this graduation gift from Saab:

I'm "a bisexual too" and the "coolest nerd ever." Ahahaha.

We just went home from our beachside house in Quezon. We spent three days and four nights of the Holy Week away from home and in that province. The province is such a boring but beautiful place and it's always so relaxing to sit by the beach and chat and pray while looking at the blue ocean stretched before you. Spending my first days of summer vacation there is worth the four-hour trip from Antipolo but I'm still glad that I'm back here.

It's so difficult to decide which university to go for. College is such a critical point of life that a wise decision is so needed. Where oh where?

I already miss my classmates. What will I do?

I'm going to watch a Natalie-movie so I have to go now. I'm just so in love with her = that's why according to Saab, I'm a bisexual too!

A Partial Goodbye - GRADUATION

I don't want to say a whole goodbye yet.

This is just the happiest day of my life so far ... and I couldn't wait to tell you that and as you can see, this is a very untimely post. It is not normal to post at three quarters in the morning. I woke up at 2:30 and couldn't sleep anymore. My family's so overwhelmed and apparently, they're happier than I am. I, by the way, am so flattered and honored and dying in disbelief. I love you, guys, and thank you.

I didn't expect graduation to be this overwhelming. I felt like the world could end right there but then, I realized that it shouldn't end 'cause, "After tonight many of us, having experienced so much together, will begin to branch out onto our individual paths but we will always be bound as one by our memories that are our only keys to the past." Like a lame poem.

I didn't even cry because I was so sure that it was not the end. The batch is so close that it is hugely impossible that we will not make an effort to still be friends when we're already in college. The things I'll miss the most are these and more:


Finn and Ella at last year's retreat ... just look at Ella ... isn't she insanely cute?


Remember this? Junior year Christmas play. That's me as the tangang detective and Anne as the kinky Sadako (that's a wig).

You know, there are a million things I'll miss about my school. I spent practically my entire life there and it's like leaving a person you know and love so much behind. I am a Montessorian by ways and by heart and proud of it. And a lot of Montessori schools out there are not real Montessori schools. They're just using that title ... so parents, beware.

I love you, my friends. and tata. (Good bye is just too strong a word).

Me and the Stufftoy

First up, I'm tearing down my geocities sites (here and here) because I can't manage it anymore. Plus, I'm going to college this June and that calls for a busier me. Don't worry, a new Best Batch site is coming. It is made by Ella. I'll get the links for you, okay?

Is it possible to be in love with a stufftoy? No? But I am. I'm in love with this cute little devil right here:



I've been hugging him all day long yesterday. I even fell asleep on his head! I'm not in love with him 'cause he's a devil. I love angels but this one is the exception. He's named Little Satan and is the property of Lawrence who gave me a tiny United Nations shirt pin that I can always wear. Hmmm ... I love Lawrence, sorry Dona. I'm planning to be a UN volunteer in the future if time allows it.

Four days to go before the big day, GRADUATION!

LOST IT, BLAST IT

The feeling of losing something? Here's my dish ...

I feel like every step I literally take is incomplete. It's as if a part of my throat has been taken away for no reason and now I can hardly perform my digestive system's peristaltic movement. There is something missing, there is something I'm going to lose. All I can say now is that I feel nothing but regret.

Okay. I lost my beloved wallet! It's one of the best loved material things that I own (next to my PC, my flicks, my player, and my books, and my diary). It has been loyal to me for the past two years and then I'm just going to lose it because of my youngest sister's carelessness. I have my pictures there - our group pics, Natalie's mag cut-outs, my baby pics, and my celeb crushes' pics. I also keep my video rental shop cards there and my Star Wars memorabilia. My letter for Catherinne is also there plus other paper trinkets. Every single memory that I could keep in a wallet was there and now that I don't have it anymore.

Plus, the wallet itself is valuable, no one can ever replace that. Buti na lang it only had P100 inside it or else my remorse would be worse.

Another thing .... I feel like losing the Blue and the feeling sucks. I've always loved Maroon and to remind you of my love for Maroon, click here (most of my July posts asserts my love for Maroon). It's just that ... I don't know. My friend says I should follow my heart. What does she mean by that? Heck, how can you do something that is not to be taken literally. In some cases, it's a dumb statement but somehow, it answers the question. Somehow.

Now, I've made up my mind that since I really wanted (and still want) to go for Maroon, I just have to trust it and consider painting my life with the color. Still, this is not 100% confirmed. My playful and inconclusive mind is subject to change.

THE Special Mission - UPDATE

Epiphanies and realizations came and came like pouring rain during the retreat. If only they were really rain, an umbrella would be no use considering that the rain was so strong. Plus, the crying was widespread. Almost everyone did. They blurted out what they've been keeping inside them for so many years.

I realized that I'm now in the state of my life when I'm mature enough to take in consequences and trials and I'm now capable of understanding what others are feeling. Little by little, that mission I told you about in my last post is now creeping out and revealing itself to me. God might've heard that I was looking for my mission and He just showed me a part of it ...

Last night, for instance, I guy called me and he was crying. He didn't really call me often before and when he did, it was all about assignments and school stuff but last night he told me what he felt wrong about himself, his friends, and his family. I was just so touched and moved. First, because I heard him cry out loud and second, that he's not as happy as I thought he was.

Ella wrote in the palanca letter she gave me that I'm the sabihan ng problema ng bayan. I never considered that title before and Ella just made me realize that I really am. I guess those confessions and everyone's problems have been a part of my life that I didn't notice that it was unusual to be carrying more secrets and complications of others compared to my own.

I've always thought that my mission is to help others by charity and things alike but now, it is that and to hear them and to help them by giving advice and to make them realize the goodness around them that they cannot see and that are difficult for them to grasp.

The problem is, I don't think I'm already strong enough to take everything in. I'm too emotional when it comes to other people's problems and loneliness. I'm strong with my own difficulties but when I see my loved ones cry, I cry more than they do. But heck, God has given me another challenge that I know I can accomplish.

The Last RETREAT

The retreat we had from Tuesday to Thursday (Mar.1-3) was the most dramatic we ever had. As in everyone cried. Kahiya.

Saab, Cara, Ella, Misu, and I shared a room. The room was cozy and it was a great experience to share it with your friends. Really fun.

I learned so much from the retreat. I learned that I am important to more people than I'm aware of. I never thought that I've done more things for them than I've been aware of. And now I'm thinking if this awareness would help me at all.

The retreat just made me so happy and satisfied because everything that I loved deeply was there:

My family, even though they were at home, was there with me because I know that wherever I go, I'm carrying their love and support. (Like I won the Oscars or something).

My friends were there with me, of course, and I found that moment I've been waiting for to express how much I love them and how much they complete me. (Jerry Maguire, yeah!)

I felt that God was there too. I know He's always, always with me but the retreat was a period when His presence is most felt like I'm in the cathedral. (Syempre, duh! It's a friggin' retreat after all.)